p.s.

::speechless:: (I know, shocking)

Eric & Me

Sorry, I just took it upon myself to rename Marley & Me. Is that bad?



I just figured you'd rather listen to me rant about this guy, than the galling whining about the 13,467 tears I abandoned at the theater.

I read the book, so I expected the crying jag.

But, I certainly don't remember any mention of a hotter-than-hot-sidekick-writer-reporter with an impossibly curvy smile, and an enigmantic ability to make me squirm in my chair like an exuberant, yappy toddler gripping a Red Bull and a bag of skittles. It's ridiculous.

Don't get me wrong, the puppies were adorable, and yes, I know it was a dog movie. But dang. Even puppies can't compete with Eric Dane.

This is the part where I (cautiously) admit I must have been either sleeping or studying while Grey's Anatomy was on, or you would have welcomed this rhetoric long ago, I'm sure of it.

All I can say is, Rebecca Gayheart is one lucky broad.

Oh, and don't tell Edward (you know how he gets).

There Really ARE Rules.

I need to clarify a few minor details.

I've gotten a few questions about Edward, and why his spice is so much spicier than yours. So, I've got a few answers for you, just to be clear.

1. Climbing through our windows.
Okay, no, we don't want you really invading our privacy that way (unless of course, you really are Edward Cullen). Yes, you are right in thinking that sort of rude behavior early on would likely result in a restraining order, and your new public nickname sounding like "stalker."


What I really mean by that is, be confident. Please follow "dealing with women, rule #1."

Rule #1, defined:

Don't sit and wonder what we want, expect, wish, dream, obsess over, or crave you to be.

Edward: I want to go watch her sleep. Bam! He's in her room, watching because he wants to be.

You: I wonder if she would get mad if she caught me in her room watching her. Would she think it was romantic? Or, would she think I was crazy? Umm...(figiting)...I don't want to give her the wrong impression, but I'd really like to try that. What if she thinks I'm weird? What if....

Ugh. Really? What if you just stop being a sissy la-la and show her your manly vampireness. Yes, I just said vampireness, shut up.

Be yourself. Be confident in who you really are. If we don't like it, find someone who does. She's out there, believe me.


2. What the hell does being a little "nuts" consist of?
Well, let me tell you. We don't mean we're looking for a psychiatrist match-maker. We aren't interested in getting ourselves hurt, physically or emotionally. If you're unsure if you're afraid of heights, you may want to find that out before you take us bungee jumping.


What I really mean by that is, please follow "dealing with women, rule #2."

Rule #2, defined:

Don't sit and wonder what we want, expect, wish, dream, obsess over, or crave you to be.

Edward: I have no problem taking this chick up a hundred foot tree, and calling her a spider-monkey (because that's who he is). Up he (we) go(es).

You: I wan'er find'n me mysterious and dangerous. Chicks dig that kinda thing. I'ma tak'er skydivin'. You then find yourself unable to jump from the plane, sitting in your own urine, wondering how you're going to explain this one when you finally land. Oh, and she did jump. Good luck with that, pal.

Be yourself. If we don't like it, find someone who does. She's out there, believe me.

Let's put it this way. It's all about inviting her into your world. Better to find out if she fits there than finding out later you're miserable being the "I-failed-at-trying-to-be-what-she-wanted-because-I-didn't-realize-it-really-wasn't-what-she-wanted" version of you. You didn't see Edward going around pretending he wasn't a vampire did you? No. He just tried to not kill her. Rock what you've got.

If you fear it, we smell it, and so does Edward.

Just sayin'.